This is a tough conversation to have. Mothers are special people. They give you the gift of life, They teach you so much growing up and do it to the best of their knowledge. But so many of them, especially in the black and Latino community are toxic. they don’t give you a voice, are always demeaning you, never apologize “ are not your friend”. They embarrass you on a daily basis, make lies about you to their friends the list goes on.
My mother and I have our own toxic relationship that in my adulthood is starting to change. However, I do know that this isn’t always the same case for everyone. I know that not everyone can reconcile with their mothers and some mothers haven’t changed. This is why this is a tough conversation. Because above all else, these are our mothers. for many of us, they are the one person we’d run into a wall for. That doesn’t take away from the fact that their methods of treating us as people are pisspoor at times.
For me specifically. My mother was hard on me. Being her firstborn and the “gifted child” I received a lot of harsh treatment. When I was doing good It was great, I received praise and all that. however, when I screwed up, there was hell to pay. I remember my mother throwing a drink on me one time because I was failing English class. Ironic isn’t it, At one point I was failing English, however now I’m a wordsmith. It’s insane how life is.
I remember my mother trying to fight me and then hysterically going into a rage when I tried to shrug her off me because she was wrong for attacking me. She tried to kick me out, I ended up taking a drive with my stepfather talking about respect on both sides. It was a mess. My Mother and I have been through tough times. She’s broken me many times throughout my life. To this day I’m attempting to shred the trauma she put me through so that I don’t repeat the same mistakes onto my own kids. I may not respect the methods my mother tried on me, but I do understand she did what she could and what she knew. Regardless of how terrible she could be. I remember the day after she tried to kick me out she brought me a ton of Gatorade as an apology.
I believe that that is a fault on toxic moms, learning to apologize. Knowing that they are wrong and acknowledging they’re wrong to their children. I don’t know what it is with mothers and not apologizing to their…